Thinkers & Feelers: How to deal with them

Every single and each one of us is either a thinker or a feeler – we can be both yes, but there is always a dominating one that always holds our hands when it comes to decisions, life choices and pretty much everything else.

All thinkers feel, and all feelers think. If you’re a thinker, this does not mean you are any more reasonable than a feeler, and if you are a feeler this does not mean you have an automatic entrance into the high E.Q. club.

The fundamental difference is the values they hold in highest esteem: thinkers give priority to truth and justice; feelers give priority to relationships and affirmation.

Who are they

Thinkers use logic, equations and never base their decisions on emotions. They are often called cold, heartless or arrogant; relationships are not necessarily an aspect they put effort in, and they are often the more rational side of the equation.

Feelers on the other hand are hearty, compassionate and relationships are very important to them. They don’t quite welcome change, hence take a long time before making any decision. They are often called pushovers, too sensitive or too emotional; they are also considered the irrational side of the equation.

So which one are you? 

This question is easier than we like to think, and maybe you don’t really care what are you. Let me tell you that answering this question will give many answers to your questions, reasons to your reactions and background of your actions. Knowing who you are will help you find out who the people around you are, understanding their motives and that can always improve your relationships with them.

Just ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you apply standards to measure the appropriateness of behaviour?
  • Do you seem generally less accepting or critical than the people around you?
  • Do you often think feelings and emotions are not important when making a decision?
  • Do you accept arguments for the sake of proving your point?
  • Do you believe that people’s emotions shouldn’t be taken into consideration before making a decision related to them?

If you answered “Yes” to more than 3 of these questions, then you are most probably a thinker. 

You might be a feeler if…

  • You want everyone to like you, be happy, and feel good.
  • You value camaraderie and goodwill.
  • You don’t feel there is a single right answer, since everyone has a different perspective.
  • You’re sensitive to the emotional vibes and political undercurrents in the workplace.
  • You’re not comfortable with confrontation and carefully arrange your communications with people to avoid upsetting anyone.
  • You explain yourself alot.
  • You use alot of emoticons 😉
  • Motto: Don’t be mean.

You might be a thinker if…

  • You want to do what’s right and what’s logical.
  • “Logical” is one of your favorite words.
  • Facts and data combined with reason lead you to clear conclusions – there is a right answer if you can find it.
  • You view work as all about getting things done – getting the right things done.
  • You love solving problems and puzzles, learning and challenging your intellect.
  • Your communication style is direct, precise, and succinct.
  • You’re not afraid to argue for what you think makes sense – you’re not worried about hurting feelings.
  • You say what you mean the first time.
  • Motto: Don’t be stupid.

Misunderstandings between thinkers and feelers 

I often hear feelers describe thinkers as uncaring and cold. This is a misconception since thinkers simply make decisions based on different criteria. Same applies to feelers, they are not too emotional or too soft, they simply focus on different aspects of the issue that seem illogical to thinkers.

Thinkers do have a heart, it’s just that to them, brains make better decisions. Feelers view that as an act of selfishness, since the human brain usually and automatically thinks for what’s best of it’s own persona, disregarding the emotions of those around it. Feelers like to see others happy and would often self-sacrifice only to assure that everyone else is allright. Do you see the gap here?

How to deal with a partner of the opposing side of the equation

It’s more than okay if two partners are from opposing sides, its often trouble if they are from the same type actually. Communication could be tricky but with enough respect and understanding, everything will be fine.

It’s very important for us to understand that our differences and respect them. Both reasonings are subjective because we make sense of the world through our own filters, so nothing is really objective – or as it is. Sometimes however, we have to let go and let others be, which is not really easy to overome the way we habitually think. However, in order for any relationship with anyone for that matter to work, we sometimes have to be prepared to try someone else’s head on.

Working with feelers 

You have to be patient with them and encourage social niceties with them before a meeting. Your tone is very important, I am not saying to control what you say, but at least avoid sounding harsh or intimidating. Feelers like to publicly be acknowledged for their hard work since they usually crave good culture in the work space. A feeler will usually have a warm, casual and perhaps a too friendly attitude – don’t take that personally or assume that they are not serious workers.

Working with thinkers 

Facts, data and logic appeals to thinkers, and you can talk about the best way to accomplish something only after you’ve won them over to your way of thinking. Always stress on why something needs to be done and what needs to be done. Words like team work or team spirit seem like fillers to them so don’t use that to encourage them. Thinkers must be given enough time to analyze and they don’t like guesstimations. It’s encouraged that you let them consider things and come up with rational answers, not gut. If a thinker is often cold or distant, don’t take it personally – thinkers take a really long while before they let someone in their personal lives.



One thought on “Thinkers & Feelers: How to deal with them

  1. This is a great post, very well explained. I’m a feeler and I always knew that. 🙂 As being too emotional, and having a relationship with a thinker, I know now how to see from other perspective and also don’t let emotiongs get too much out of me.

    Have the best day ever,

    Nícia ❤


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